Name:Jason Country:United States State:California Metro:San Francisco Birthday:12/18/1983 Gender:Male
Interests:Football, Baseball, Basketball, CCU (Chinese Christian Union) sports and hanging out with friends to relax and have some fun. Expertise:Sports and computer related stuff. Occupation:Student Industry:Computers (Internet)
Normally I would try to update this thing every so often, but I have come to the realization that Xanga is dead. I guess with Facebook and everything, people are just too busy to write about what's going on in their lives, myself included. It feels that I've had this weblog for years but yet I just don't find any inspiration to write anything meaningful anymore. So with that said I guess I should update maybe for the last time on what's been going on.
I guess that now with 2008 being nothing more than a distant memory and with 2009 passing by with an alarmingly high rate of speed I tend not to think of certain things like New Years Resolutions and such because most of the time when people thing about these things, they are nothing more than false promises that fade away months, weeks, maybe even days later that pass. As I grow older each year, I have come to the realization that my place is not in Long Beach. As much as I love working for Young Life in the South Bay Metro area, I know my heart and soul belongs in San Francisco. Over the course of the last 2 1/2 years spent in SoCal I have made many "friends" or acquaintances along the way. I have some amazing high school kids that I mentor on a weekly basis to help them mature with their lives with Christ. I go to an amazing home church called Church in the City which is completely different than anything I have ever experienced with The Salvation Army. Even with all this however I feel a void down there. It's like I'm currently stuck in some sort of rut that I cannot escape from.
I have always advocated how people feel the most comfortable in places where they essentially grow. Only in Long Beach have I met so many individuals from NorCal that is committed in staying in the area. The reason one may ask? It's because of the community they have built over the course of their college careers. Since the majority of my time was spent in SF, naturally that is where I built my support. Compare that with a freshman who moved down there as a freshman and stayed there all 4 years being able to develop relationships with people their own age. Whenever I come home, or whenever my friends comes to visit me I always seem more happy. Outside of that I prefer my privacy simply because I do not relate with the majority of kids that are still in college (No offense to current CSULB students). I've always tried my best to "fit into" a group but it never really materialized. Even when my SFSU team came down last year for the annual AACF tournament, it was clear that my allegiances were with my hometown team rather than Long Beach. It seemed like it was already too late for me as everyone my age already had their group set and it felt weird sometimes because I knew I was the odd man out when it came to certain conversations or times to hang out. Now this isn't to say that I haven't made any good friends, but I have to admit that it has been far and few when it comes to people I can talk to. I give major props to Dennis, Jared, J Poon, Dan, George, Hmong and the guys for always being real with me. You guys always made me feel welcome even though due to my personality, didn't always mesh in a group setting. Thanks to Spuddy and Cliff for always keeping up with me when we ball on Sundays as well. It's a time I will always cherish. This year I will make an effort to be less competitive and more friendly when it comes to basketball.
Since it's not easy for me to open up people usually thing that I'm a negative person. It's not that I do that on purpose, it's just that I rather not be fake in front of people. I would rather avoid them then having a conversation that wont go anywhere. My main focus is my basketball team that I coach in the summer and Young Life. If ya read this Baldi, thanks for always hearing this old man rant about things. You have truly been an amazing boss and friend during these times of difficult transition. Outside of that I'm just gonna bide my final few months in Long Beach and see where God takes me.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”- James 1 : 2-3
So it's been almost a couple months since I last updated this thing and I find myself at work with pretty much nothing else to do than to post what's been going on in my life. So far it's been quite crazy since I moved back down to Long Beach to work and gain experience through an internship at school so I could get a good job when I move back to SF in the summer for good. Moving into a new apartment (hopefully for the last time) and meeting my new roommates was an awesome experience as this is the first time I actually feel comfortable with the housemates. (This will tie into something later) It's nice to know that there are people in this world that don't judge me for my appearances (weather that's how I dress, how I talk, etc), and like me for who I am. I know that I'm not perfect but it's interesting to see that non-believers have more of an interest of being my friend than the majority of "Christians" that are in Long Beach today. As a psychologist, I always tend to observe more than anything. Weather
that be sports, life, or whatever. I use techniques that focus on
client centered therapy most of the time to see how others react. In
basketball let me make myself clear. I don't get mad at others. I get
mad at myself for poor play. When it comes to relationships, I tend to
ask why the couple is getting into a relationship, is their
relationship focused on God and not physical lust, and the maturity
factor. Age does play a difference. Even for me I'm thinking about asking one of my coworkers out on a date. It's the first person I've thought about seriously since I decided back in March that I'm ready to begin dating again. I've had over a year to get over my last girlfriend and deal with how ugly the situation turned out in the end. She is a couple years older than me, which is gonna be a little weird but I'm hoping things work out and the feelings are mutual. We're both outta school, both completely independent, and most of all both love God as much as we possibly can. On another hand though there are some things on my mind outside of that.
All my life it seems like I've always had a chip on my shoulder. Being a bigger Asian guy it was not always easy growing up. I tried my best to be out there socially but obviously there were times that I felt shy. Because of this I developed a tough exterior when it comes to my personality. It seemed like no matter what the issue of respect would always come up. I know there are many times when it comes to sports I can lose my temper easily if I don't perform the way I expect myself to play. I know there's also a sense of cockiness that comes along with that. But that stuff comes because of people looking down on me, or even underestimating me because of appearances. I'm gonna use an example from yesterday while playing ball. The one thing I wont do on the court is smack talk my opponent. I may play hard, may give a hard foul here and there but I will never start mess with another on the court. But hearing others smack talk me is a different story. I will defend myself when needed. There were a couple of instances where I stunk the court up with my awful playing and horrible shooting from the field. Instead of encouragement from the other team I hear comments like "In your face" and "I schooled you", now if you were in my position, wouldn't you feel offended also? How is this a Christ like attitude that we all supposedly follow? The one comment that drew all my ire is when I started to get hot, made a couple shots here and there and there was this one girl who couldn't believe it. When she said that it was a lucky one hit shot that would not happen again, that it was a one hit wonder. Hearing this made me just want to play harder and harder. After that I was like a man possessed to get the ball in my hands. Moments later, knocked down a couple threes, a layup and a jumper. Game over. I try my best to let my actions speak louder than words. I just don't expect these sorta comments coming from people who tell me to calm down and be humble. Does anyone think irony has a part in what happened? I thank Cliff and J Poon that they were able to calm be down because I don't appreciate being talked down to. Not by anyone outside of God, let alone a female of all people.
I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything but people need to think before saying crap like that. Once the game was over I know I made a dumb comment by repeating what she said out loud in a sarcastic way for everyone to hear. I know that at the time my anger got the best of me and I let her and another guy get in my head. But it always brings me back to saying thing. You talk the talk, you better be able to deal with the consequences that come with talking all that crap. When people know they're wrong but are too bull headed to apologize, when people use Christ as a shield when they preach tolerance but reject that very notion when it comes to sports. I hope people understand that it's not like I'm just ranting when things go wrong or things don't go my way. I'm just here to inform and educate people what not to do. Not saying that I am perfect either but this is not how life should be lived. We should not be ignorant of the outside world, and should not use inexperience or youth as an excuse to why people are so closed off. We should always be preaching and witnessing to the people who are different. People who are in the back of the room, people who are the furthest away that do not know God. Why is it that Christians only hang out and fellowship with other Christians, then we wind up alienating the non-believers which in turn make them hate us? I encourage everyone to go out, reach out to those who do not know Christ. Don't brand yourself with a tag of what fellowship you are a part of and what you want for the rest of the world. The first step is to be humble servants.
I myself do ministry with a hands off approach. I share the gospel to those who do not have a chance to hear it anywhere else. I do not believe in forcing people to believe in God nor judging people for their beliefs in other religions. Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with Christ our God and Savior. Fellowships are NOT churches. Let me repeat that. Fellowships are not churches. Thus their "fellowship" tag line. For anyone to think so, needs to get their priorities straightened out. It is not our place to judge others, nor is it our place to diss other people's beliefs and religion. If you are to reach out to people, be their friend first before anything else. Don't come at them waving a Bible and telling them they're going to hell. Give people a chance to make their own decisions. God gave us all free will to make our own decisions and choices so why not give the same right to the non believers? If people want to know more and ask me about it, I am more than willing to share the Word with them. But if not, then it's not my place to force something on others that they don't want to believe in. A last word of encouragement before I leave...
Live it Loud. Deuteronomy 31:6,“Be strong and courageous.Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Well as you all may know I don't really update this thing too often but here I shall say be weary where you park. My friend Slam and I were watching Batman The Dark Knight over at AMC 1000 for it's midnight showing and as we got back to my car everything looked fine. Up until I noticed that one of my rear passenger windows was smashed in when at that moment I realized the worst possible outcome. Someone broke into my car and stole a whole mess of stuff. I guess anger could be the first emotion that comes to mind but it's more like humility that the person(s) didn't jack my car in the first place.
I am disappointed that my whole entire hat collection is gone... man that one hurts. 2 Long Beach hats, along with tons of Giants hats... there goes 300 bucks down the drain easy. Also gone is a pair of Oakley Half Jackets retailing at over 150 gone, along with a private collection spanning over 100 dvd's to boot well worth over a grand, but the thing that hurts the most is my YoungLife bag... that was filled with my Easton Pro Batting Gloves, my Easton fielding gloves, my Nike Air Force cleats, and my Mizuno baseball glove... all valued at over 300 combined. A total loss of 1750 right out the door...
The lesson learned here is that no matter the loss, I still need to be grateful to God. This is a reminder that I indeed myself can get lost in the materialism and that I need to continue looking up to Him everyday and trusting that He will provide for me no matter what. What I have lost is pittance compared with how more than half of this world lives in poverty. Life isn't about material possessions, how much money we earn, or what we have over others. It's all about living our lives for God, glorifying Him everyday no matter what happens.
Edit... I'll be honest... even though I know I should feel grateful and all... really I'm pissed beyond measure. The trials and tribulations I have gone through this past year alone and now this... is really annoying. I hear all the praises and testimonies about other people why God is good all the time but I'm gonna be straight forward and say how I feel. Many times we only praise God because things are going well in our lives whatever that may be. Work, friends, family, a significant other, whatever pleases us in general. When things go bad we curse God, but no one would say it outloud. They'll keep it to themselves in fear others may judge them in a harsh manner. I'll say it now though, in all ways I understand God is all powerful but at the same time I'm quite displeased with Him. It's like an ongoing saga where the frustrations just wont end. I try to put it off but it's just unbearable. So this I say to God, even though it should be about You... in my case, I feel ashamed in You for the first time. Have a good day.
Wow... Baron Davis... that's all I can say... you took less money than what we were offering you, for a long term contract for what? The Clippers? I feel almost as crappy as I did when Jason Schmidt left the Giants for the freaking Dodgers... I admit you did a great job here, but don't feel sad when the legions of loyal Warriors fans turn on you next year... Your gonna get booed like how Jeff Kent does in baseball... Man how much I wished we would have kept J Rich right about now...
